Drug of Choice

I worked at a rehabilitation center for teens. During group sessions the counselors would have everyone, including the other staff, introduce themselves and say their DOC (drug of choice). I have never done a drug a day in my life. So when it would get to me I would jokingly say "Sugar!" Only now I don't think it was so much a joke.

The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Well I am seriously addicted to sugar. I constantly crave it. Somehow I've gotten in the habit of eating a bowl of ice cream every night, and I used to not even really like ice cream! Thanks to Halloween season, I often find myself munching on candies (it's ok, cause they're just "fun" sized... right?). I was doing so good listening to my body, but if I'm addicted and my body is telling me eat sugar, that's not necessarily what I should actually be doing. I think things really began to slip when life got out of my control. Now that things are settling down and looking up I'm still eating sugar. Frequently.

The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. What's the second?

Glorifying Bulimia

I got food poisoning. At least that's what I'm assuming it was because it only lasted 24 hours and I've heard that the "24 flu" is actually just food poisoning. I was up all night throwing up and couldn't eat pretty much the entire day. TMI, right? Sorry. But there is a point to all this. I got on the scale and thought "well at least I lost a few pounds." I'm thinking (hoping) I'm not alone in this thought process. I know when my cousin was pregnant and lost like 10 pounds in her first trimester from morning sickness I thought to myself how great it would be to have morning sickness and actually lose weight while pregnant ( I had the opposite affliction and ate everything in sight). Ok, like I said, there is a point to this sad confession.

While I was sick I called my sister (an RN) to get some advice on what to do. Jokingly (but only half) I told her at least I had lost some weight. To which she replied "you're glorifying bulimia." I had never thought about it that way.  I mean I obviously wasn't going to start making myself throw up, but still it was an unhealthy thought process. The whole point of examining my eating habits is to learn to listen to my body and be healthy. Well my body was telling me it was sick, not a good thing! So next time I'm sick, I'm staying off the scale and focusing on getting better.

Hot Hot Hot!

Today I decided to bake some chicken strips and fries out of the freezer. I started eating it pretty much right out of the oven. Of course, it was too hot. But I was hungry, so instead of waiting for it to cool off a bit I dug in, and discovered something.

When I eat food that is too hot for my pallet I chew it up the least as possible an swallow it with it touching my tongue as little as possible. So guess what? I don't taste anything! It took me about half way through my meal to discover the fries tasted freezer burned and I didn't want to eat them! It also took me that long to discover I didn't like the honey mustard I was using with my chicken strips. I wasn't even tasting the sauce I was using!

The lesson in all of this? Temperature of food matters. One, so we don't eat more than we want to in an attempt to save our tongues from the heat. And two, when we eat something at a pleasurable temperature it'll heighten the satisfaction of the food. We wouldn't eat frozen chicken strips and fries, so why would we eat it burning hot?

Time to Check In

It is time to be accountable. First, my commitment to exercise. I love zumba! Seriously, if you've ever tried it then you know. If you've never tried it, you need to. I've been going three times a week since I first began. However on the other days I haven't really found something that fits into my schedule. But I'm not giving up! My goal is to run a half marathon in the next year. I suppose that means I should start running.

And to answer the question that I'm sure anyone who reads this blog is wondering, has any of this transferred to the scale? YES!!!! Of course I'm not trying to let that number effect what I'm doing and instead focusing on how I'm feeling. But it's nice to know my body is adjusting as well. So far I've lost 7 or 8 lbs. But even better than  that is how my clothes are fitting. My mom gave me a dress right after I had my baby and I couldn't even really get it on. However, this last week I decided I'd try it on again and it fit really great. Not even tight anywhere.

Hopefully all the learning will continue to pay off!

Are You Satisfied?

Mashed potatoes, buttered carrots, grilled and marinaded chicken, crescents. Deliciousness. To start, the chicken breasts were already cut in half. I didn't add gravy to the potatoes, 'cause I don't like gravy. The first thing I wanted seconds of was the carrots, which was good since I don't tend to eat lots of veggies. I also found myself cutting a second of the chicken pieces in half for a bit more chicken. Then I sit there for a minute. I must have had an interesting look on my face since after a moment my husband asks me what's wrong. "Oh, nothing," I reply "I was just thinking about eating the rest of that piece of chicken."

"Are you satisfied?" He asks.

I was shocked. He really has been listening about how I'm trying to learn how to eat and not diet. I feel like in the past he might have said "you don't need it," or something to that effect, but he asked me what I really needed to ask myself, was I satisfied? Yes, yes I was. I decided I was in fact done with dinner and was not hungry the rest of the night. It's great to know my husband cares about me and how I want to learn about my body, not just lose weight.

Stress, the emphasis on my waist

Suddenly my world has come crashing around me. It has been replaced by stress, hurt, confusion. But this blog is not to discuss my personal problems, rather on how these problems have effected my eating habits. I am a eating mess.

When things first started coming apart I couldn't eat. I had no appetite. Then yesterday I found myself constantly in the kitchen. Trying to figure out what I was really craving. Nothing I ate was satisfying, so I kept eating. I was trying to replace what I was (am) feeling with food. Today hasn't been much better, but now that I understand that food is really not helping me cope I can stop eating emotionally, hopefully, and start listening to my hunger again. A much better outlet would be working out, but sadly the Zumba class I go to isn't until Monday. Wish my waistline good luck!

Just One More Piece...

I've really been trying to listen to my hunger cues. Sounds pretty easy, right? Wrong. I realized  I wasn't very successful when I felt like I went from fine to famished in a matter of minutes. It's a lot harder to listen to your body when you've either been stuffing yourself or dieting (which is pretty much how it's been since I started college). I don't know how to tell when I'm just hungry. However, with that said I do believe I've begun to understand my body's signal for me being satisfied (not stuffed).

Tonight my husband ordered pizza. In the past I would just keep eating and eating pizza until it was gone. Why? Because I would tell myself each time that we had pizza that it would be my last time eating pizza. However, tonight I understood that if I told myself it was "the last time" it would be a lie. I've allowed  myself to eat what I really want to eat. And you know what? I ate HALF of ONE slice. I genuinely just didn't want any more.

I know I'm just beginning on this journey to a healthy relationship with food, but I am proud for the progress I've already made.